Thank God for depression, for despondency, for despair. These are such beautifully potent rumble strips for me in my life. Waking me up to make some changes. The last time I bumped into these roadside warning systems was 4 months ago.
My baby girl was a month old and one of my dear friends asked me if I wanted to come work with him at the non-traditional school that he is the director of. On paper, it’s a dream job for me. Lots of mentoring with young adults, lots of interfacing with concerned parents, lots of culture building with the residential students and staff, working with a dear and respected friend, and a reliable paycheck.
And. As talks continued. My life force began to leave leave leave leave leave my body. I didn’t know what this was. Was this something that I should pay attention to? Was this my adolescence rebelling against constraints and confines? Was this just what entering fatherhood feels like?
One morning, I was finishing my 13th call with a young man I was working with in a coaching capacity over the past few months. It was our last call together. I laid out what I had imagined for our last call. He said he’d rather hear about me, Of Earth and Soul, and its future.
I told him I was likely taking a job and Of Earth and Soul will move more into the margins. He heard me out. And then let me know he was sad. Sad and also motivated to help me. He asked me how I felt about taking the job. My response was honest. And his response was clarifying. “You gotta keep going.”
Our call ended. I walked into the kitchen. Told Kelly, “everything is changing.”
The life force came flooding back. The energy. The eros. The juice. The unmistakable hum of alignment. So much so that Kelly felt the truth of the decision to continue pursuing my soul’s path.
The rumble strips of depression, despair, despondency worked. Worked so well that others were impacted by it. Impacted and motivated to get my rig back onto the highway firmly squared between the lines.
A week later, Soul School came through after a period of asking myself if the job I was offered was draining my energy, what would a job would look like that generated energy, that fueled me, that fulfilled me.
“To unselfconsciously give myself to a community of people committed to living lives aligned with their souls.”
Here we are, a few months later and 25 of Soul School’s 30 spots are filled! And we launch Monday.
For the next 13 weeks, at least 25 of us, are embarking on a deep dive into the articulation and embodiment of our gifts, our unique energies and capacities that when they move through us it enlivens us and brings us into joy and freedom, creativity, and service.
Those are the days I am trying to string together. Days filled with joy and freedom and creativity and service.
And depression is a beautiful flower in the bouquet of this dream being realized.
with love and anticipation,
Peter McLean