I think we want initiation.
Initiation being the process of transformation that moves us from one station in life onto another station in life.
Or more accurately, I think we want what is on the other side of initiation:
The expansion of consciousness/self-identity, an embodied understanding of our gifts, the discovery of the role that we are here to play in a much larger story unfolding that we are just one part of. And a deep sense of belonging to self, to nature, to the cosmos, to it all.
Right?!
I think, by and large, we want this.
We want to believe deeply that we belong and that we have something to offer.
And somehow we also know stasis is not the goal. Is not the dream. Doesn’t feel good.
We want to metamorphose. We see it happening all around us. We see it in nature. We are nature. So, we can’t help but want to participate in the most beautiful, magical, process of life into death and back into life again. Every year. Everyday. Every moment.
There are 2 things that get in my way, and I’d imagine in yours as well, when it comes to initiation.
Believing, or desiring, that initiation must be outside of one’s current life context.
2. Retreating on the brink of discovery.
Let’s talk about the first one.
Your life is initiating you.
It just might not be sexy.
Consistently doing laundry. Getting on top of personal finance. Establishing consistent exercise and healthy selfcare. Making boundaries inside of relationships that are no longer of service. Making boundaries with your phone and other tech. Creating more time to be alone in nature. Supporting your mental and emotional life through consistent meditation. Continuing to invite in the kind of relationships you know is possible. Developing the neglected artist within you. Making your life as beautiful as you know it can be.
Changing the habit patterns of your life into the ones that serve you.
For a lot of us, these are, and have been, initiatory events. They challenge us. Challenge old and limiting versions of self-identity. And bring us into an expanded, more aligned version of ourselves.
We practice being initiated. Daily. We practice initiation so when we experience existential initiation, we’re in fighting shape. Dancing shape. Loving shape. Soulful Shape.
Existential initiation is the process of moving from one station in life to another. But this time, the consequences feel fundamentally at odds with your current self-identity, safety, and sense of belonging in the world.
When you realize you’re in the wrong marriage and you can’t keep lying.
When you realize that your life force, your eros, your energy is going into a job/career/field that you have know interest or desire in.
When you realize that the life you want will never find you as you stay in the patterns and habits and cycles that you are in.
When you realize that you will have to leave what you know, what you have come to rely on, have found safety and security in, to make room and space to let the life you are here to live emerge and find you.
We practice all the daily ones, so that when these larger initiatory events come through, we remember our training, we feel the arm around our backs, give it our weight, and waltz in time around the ballroom of our life dissolving as we’ve known it.
Now, back to the point. You don’t need to go anywhere to be initiated. There is no weekend retreat. No course I can offer that will initiate you. Your Soul has those plans in store for you.
Before signing up for the next thing/retreat/course/SoulSchool even!/ayahuasca ceremony, ask yourself what am I avoiding?
Drinking that daily cup will be a much wilder ride than any rainforest brew.
What am I avoiding in my life?
Avoidance is the clue to where your soul is calling you. Go there first.
Alright, number 2. Retreating on the brink of discovery.
This is how we avoid the existential initiation. We run! We get close, we catch the scent, we even wander a little of the path and maybe even make it as far as the dappled shade of the great forest’s outer edge.
Until.
We hear the first stick snap. Leaves rustle. Buck snort. And see the shadow move.
Then.
We hightail it right on back into our lives as we’ve known them.
So, how do we practice staying? Staying and not retreating?
All the little things: going towards avoidance, listening to the small voice of intuition and guidance, and cultivating self-love and self-trust, and rooting deeply into the truth of your belonging to this earth, this time in history, to this great story.
We are firemen with our boots lined up and our trucks in position. So that when the phone rings. Or the pregnancy goes different than our prayers. The truth of the marriage comes out. The realizing that life is too short to be doing this job. That you’re ready. You’re cultivated. You’re practiced.
Your participation in your dissolution is your love letter to transformation.
Participation is not retreating. Your participation is your Thank You to your soul.
In conclusion, your life has already set up the great obstacle course for you to train in and hone your skills. No need to go far to find your invitation into initiation.
And, lastly.
Participate with your life as it asks you to become more of yourself.
Do not retreat.
Participate.
With love and anticipation,
Pete